it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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