Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
