We're facebook friends in real life
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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