last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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