Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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