Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
