so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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