Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
