So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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