I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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