What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
