Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
