I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
