i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
