I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
