Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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