He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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