Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
