are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
