you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
