She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
