even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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