Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
