So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
