If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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