this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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