goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
