i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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