Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
