i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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