Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
third nipple confirmed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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