i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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