im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
