Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
