So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
