and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
