You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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