but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
