Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
