you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
