I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
