I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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