it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
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