We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
