my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Redeem this text for a blowjob
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
