i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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