Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
