she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
