can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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