its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
