i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
