And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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