for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you win again, gameday.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
