I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
