Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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