My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just want nice things and good sex
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
