absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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