Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
